UJ: I refuse to be a statistic ..
My name is Tamara, I am 25 years old, and throughout my teenage years and becoming an adult I have experienced many forms of judgment. A lot of the questions I get asked by people is why am I not yet married? What am I waiting for? And why am I not pulling my weight in making it happen faster?
And with my answer to that question comes a strange look, almost like people feel sorry for me. Yet ironically people believe everything is “naseeb” or God’s will. I have nothing against marriage; on the contrary I respect the institute of wedlock and whoever chooses to take apart in it. But the thing is, I don’t want to get married for the sake of it, or because people believe it’s the right thing to do. What is the point of getting married if it’s not with someone who is right for you? Women get pushed into all kinds of arranged marriages just because “it’s time” yet the family members fail to see or deliberately ignore the elevating divorce rates that are sky high! Our culture has for centuries believed in arranged marriages and though I can’t delete it from society I can choose not to be a part of that particular game where every decision is made for me as soon as I say yes. I don’t want to be a statistic of failed marriages nor unhappy ones. I am an adult and I am not getting younger, but I can safely say that any decision I do make now with the experience and mentality I gained will guide me into making a better and healthier choice than any I would have made when I was younger, but our society unfortunately doesn’t accept it, I’m proud of being different but nothing comes cheap in our society
My question is, do females in the US feel pressured into getting married just because they are the right age? Is it a choice taken solely on your own? And how influential are parents in affecting your choices.
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Hi Tamara! My name is Lauren Sledge and I really enjoyed reading your post! I think that it’s so great that you are standing up for yourself and what you believe in. I wouldn’t call myself a feminist, but I do heavily believe in women’s rights. I, like you, believe that marriage should not be forced upon someone. I don’t even think you should persuade someone into marriage. I feel as though you should only get married when YOU absolutely want to. To answer your question, “Do females in the US feel pressured into getting married just because they are the right age?”: yes and no, mainly no. I say ‘no’ because there are plenty of American women who aren’t married yet are still completely happy and successful. These American women are very independent. They feel no pressure to get married simply because they are getting older. They strive to be the person that they want to be and if it just so happens that they meet someone and fall in love, perhaps they’ll get married. I say ‘yes’ because I also think that some of it depends on your social class. I feel like some of the lower class women who don’t necessarily have the capability of supporting themselves or pursuing an education may feel pressured into marriage at a specific age for financial stability.
Here in the US, I think that, for the most part, the decision to get married is solely our own. I think for some people, there are outside influences on their decision such as peer pressure. For example, if all of your friends are getting married, sometimes it may push you into thinking about marriage when you may have not been worrying about it before. A southern tradition in the US that some people still abide by is that the man must first get the permission from the parents before asking the daughter for her hand in marriage. Personally, my parents affect my choices to a certain extent. I do want to please them, but at the end of the day, I’m going to do what makes me happy and what I think is the right choice for me. But it’s different for different people. I think it depends on how close of a relationship you have to your family. But then again, I also believe that your family should support you in all of your decisions (whether they agree with them or not), unless they are in some way harming someone else.